Collected
by Relena's Glam Squad
Summary: Out of habit, Duo glanced to the door. He didn't know why he did this; he never knew anyone who came into the bar, although he was beginning to recognize other regulars. But this time, a familiar face entered the bar, knocking snow from her boots, pushing her mass of blonde hair over her shoulder. Her black knit cap was dusted with melting snowflakes. [Surprise Pairing]


Duo Maxwell always thought that being a regular at a bar would be cool. But now, since his most recent break up with Hilde, he'd found that it just made him sad to see the bartender put down Duo's favorite drink on the counter as soon as Duo walked in.

But that's how Duo found himself, night after night, drinking alone in a small dive bar called Chuck's. He had nothing better to do after work, and he hated being alone in his apartment. Without Hilde, it was too empty.

Duo finished off a scotch on the rocks and waved to the bartender for another. The young man nodded and smiled, reaching up to a bottle on the top shelf behind the bar. The bartender refilled Duo's glass and plopped in a few ice cubes. Duo raised the glass to toast the bartender, and just as he was taking a sip, the door opened, sending in a burst of winter air.

Out of habit, Duo glanced to the door. He didn't know why he did this; he never knew anyone who came into the bar, although he was beginning to recognize other regulars. But this time, a familiar face entered the bar, knocking snow from her boots, pushing her mass of blonde hair over her shoulder. Her black knit cap was dusted with melting snowflakes.

"Dorothy?" Duo asked, his eyebrows raising. What was a rich, young socialite doing in a place like this?

"Oh, hello Duo," she said, slipping her coat off her shoulders and shaking off droplets of water. She walked to the barstool next to him, flung her coat over the neighboring stool, and sat down, smoothing her dress as she did so. Duo stared at her.

"What are you doing here?" he asked. Dorothy raised an eyebrow at him.

"Getting a drink," she answered, as if it were the only obvious answer.

"Don't you have some swanky rooftop bar to go to instead of this dive?" Duo asked. Dorothy snorted.

"Rooftop bars aren't much fun in the winter," she commented, causing Duo to roll his eyes and look away.

"What can I get you, miss?" the bartender asked, having watched their exchange with an amused glint in his eye.

"Gin martini, three olives, stirred," Dorothy said. The bartender nodded and turned away to prepare her drink. She flicked her gaze to Duo. "I heard about your relationship troubles."

"Yeah," Duo mumbled. Dorothy pressed her lips together in a frown.

"You know, you can only break up and get back together so many times before you need to call it quits," she said pointedly.

"What do you know about relationships?" Duo asked, knowing Dorothy's history of stubborn single-ness.

"I know enough people and their stories," Dorothy said. "I'm something of a collector."

"A gossip, more like," Duo said. Dorothy shrugged with a smile on her lips.

The bartender appeared in front of them once more and placed the chilled martini glass down on the counter in front of Dorothy. Duo pushed his glass forward for more scotch, which the bartender filled for him.

"I'm just saying, there are other women out there," Dorothy said after taking a sip of her drink. Duo shrugged his shoulders.

"But I love Hilde," Duo muttered.

"Then stop breaking up," Dorothy snipped.

"It's not _my_ fault," Duo said.

"Not from what I've heard," Dorothy retorted. Duo's head snapped up.

"What have you heard? And from who?"

Dorothy pressed her lips together in a smile and shook her head. "A lady never tells."

Duo barked a laugh. "You're the biggest gossip I know."

"Collector," Dorothy corrected him.

"Whatever. Finish your drink and go about your day," Duo said, finally exasperated with Dorothy's antics.

Dorothy took another sip of her drink and shook her head. "I'm entitled to sit here as long as I wish."

"Well, I am entitled to change seats," Duo said, beginning to slide off his barstool. Dorothy's hand shot out and grabbed his bicep, hatling him.

"I'll be nice," she said, giving him her best version of "puppy dog eyes." Duo sighed and climbed back onto his stool.

"Fine."

The two sat in awkward silence for a while, listening to some old rock music piping through the bar speakers, both sipping their drinks. The bartender occasionally floated their way, checking their drink levels. Eventually Duo lost track of how many he'd had. Not that he even cared.

"Perhaps we should get something to eat?" Dorothy suggested, her voice slightly slurred. Duo peered at her through one eye. "I know a great little bistro uptown…"

"Nah…" Duo muttered. "Let's just grab some takeout on our way…" He stopped himself, running a hand through his hair.

Shit. What was he thinking?

"On our way where?" Dorothy seized on his words immediately, arching a brow. Suddenly she looked much more sober than he'd thought she was.

"Ah, nothing, never mind," Duo stammered, realizing he'd fallen into old habits. Like he was sitting here with his girlfriend, not with this… girl. It was weird to even think of Dorothy Catalonia as a girl. A feisty harpy, maybe.

He glanced askance at her. She appeared to be sizing him up.

"Hmm."

He blinked, oddly curious about the look she was giving him, what she must be thinking. After a moment, she shrugged.

"Ugh. Why the hell not."

Duo scratched the back of his head. "Uh… mind telling me what you're talking about?"

Her eyes rolled. "It was your idea, idiot." Dorothy reached for his braid, yanked him closer and crushed her lips against his.

Her lips were… surprisingly soft. And sweet. She tasted like her martini, but also something fruity, cherries or strawberries or some shit.

Duo's eyes jerked wide, and he pulled back. "What the fuck?" He hadn't meant to drop that word in a crowded bar, it just slipped out.

"Exactly," Dorothy said flippantly. "Want to get out of here?"

Duo stared at her, his head swimming. His thoughts were a jumbled mess. But something in him, something stupidly rebellious, overtook his common sense.

Dorothy might be some kind of bizarre mythological creature but… She was also stupid hot.

"Let's go," Duo said, grabbing her hand. Dorothy's lips curled. She waved to the bartender, who approached, apparently bemused by the events that had just taken place between the two. Duo watched as Dorothy dug in her purse, then slapped a 100 Euro bill on the counter.

"Keep the change, and keep this quiet," she muttered. The bartender shrugged and picked up the bill. Dorothy slid off the bar stool, pulling Duo along with her. After an awkward moment of donning coats, hats, and scarves, they headed into the snow.

* * *

Duo never knew where Dorothy lived, but he found that she lived very close to the dive bar where he'd spent so much time. She had a loft apartment in a tall, sleek building a few blocks away. Riding in the elevator had been a tense moment, strange sexual tension building between the two.

After Dorothy unlocked the door with a fob, they tumbled into her apartment, arms tangled around each other, their lips crushed against each other. Somehow, they wriggled out of their heavy winter coats, leaving them in a wet heap on the floor.

The tall blonde was wearing a silk dress that wrapped around and hugged her every curve. Duo couldn't resist running his hands all over the fabric, until he realized he was groping her clothed breasts without any sort of by-your-leave. Dorothy just smirked and grabbed one of his hands, placing it inside her dress and bra. Duo sucked in a sharp breath when he felt her hardened nipple.

Duo closed his fingers around the soft flesh, his lips craving a taste. Dorothy released a soft moan at his touch. Duo's other hand fumbled with the infuriating style of dress that Dorothy wore. In his half-crazed state, he couldn't figure out how the damn thing worked.

"Are you a man or not?" Dorothy muttered, reaching up to undo the sash of her dress, pulling the whole thing open, exposing a black, lacy, low-cut bra. Duo stood ogling her cleavage, until he felt Dorothy's hands on his belt.

"Guess I have to do everything myself," she huffed, all but ripping his belt out of the loops before tossing it on the floor. Duo gaped at her.

"Can you give me a second? For fuck's sake…" He seized her waist and kissed her hard on the mouth, pushing his tongue against her lips until they granted him entry. His tongue collided with hers, and then she one-upped him, sucking at the tip of his tongue until Duo felt a shudder course over him. If she was doing that to his _tongue,_ then… fuck.

At the same time, she unzipped his pants and jammed her hand inside his boxers, gripping his erect penis. Now it was Duo's turn to moan. Her hands were so smooth, having never had a single day of hard work upon them. So different from… no. He wouldn't go there.

Dorothy sighed and broke away from him. "This is so vanilla," she complained, frowning at him.

"What?" Duo frowned right back at her. "We haven't even done anything yet."

Dorothy flipped her hair over her shoulder, grabbed him by the braid, and pulled him along towards a door. Duo stumbled backwards, trying to keep his balance. He heard her turn the handle of the door, then she dragged him inside a dark room. Dorothy released his braid, and Duo rubbed the back of his head. It hurt but… in a good way?

A soft light filled the room. Duo turned and squinted, trying to make out whether he was in her bedroom or…

Something entirely unknown.

His breath hitched his in throat. "The hell…?"

In the center of the room hung a fabled sex-swing, something Duo had only seen used in porn. He didn't know normal people owned those things, but then, was Dorothy a normal person?

"Take off your clothes," she ordered him, whirling around to face him with her hands on her hips.

Duo, stunned, complied by ripping off his shirt and kicking off his jeans and boxers until they landed on the floor. He stood before her, stark naked, staring at her black bra and panties that were just visible from the opening of her dress.

"Your turn," he rasped. She shook her head to the side.

"I prefer to keep my clothes on."

Duo scoffed. "Sorry, but no. That ain't happening." He stormed over to Dorothy before she could protest and yanked her dress off her shoulders, pulling it down until it pooled around her feet.

"Careful! That's Gucci!" she shrieked. Duo chuckled as he reached around her back and unclasped her bra.

"Oops," he said, opening her bra with a soft "pop." Duo dropped the flimsy fabric on the floor and took a moment to marvel at her bare breasts.

"God, you'd think you were a virgin or something," Dorothy said wryly. But she was smiling at him. Duo bent to kiss her nipples.

"Why don't you like being naked? You're so fucking hot," he breathed.

"Oh, it's not that," Dorothy said, stroking his braid as he worked on her nipples. "I just… like having the upper hand."

And then she yanked on his braid again, much harder than last time. Duo let out a startled yelp.

"Did that hurt?" she purred.

"Kinda, yeah." Duo focused on removing her panties, revealing the surprisingly smooth skin of her pubic area. His lips twitched. He should've figured a girl like Dorothy would get regular waxes.

She cackled. "We're just getting started."

Duo frowned up at her as he wriggled off her panties. "Are we talking whips and chains, or…"

Dorothy just smirked and tipped her head to the swing. "Let's go."

"How does that thing work, anyway?" Duo asked, following after Dorothy as she sashayed over to the swing. She laughed at him.

"You sit in it. I sit on you. We fuck." She smiled and ran a hand over one of the straps that suspended the thing from the ceiling.

Duo chuckled. "Sounds good to me."

Dorothy eyed him closely. "You've really never used one of these?"

"Nope."

She arched a brow. "Ever fuck in a Gundam?"

Duo all but burst out laughing. "Sadly, no."

Dorothy waved a hand. "Neither have any of the others. But I always ask, just the same."

Duo's mouth dropped open. "What do you mean… the others?!"

Dorothy just smiled. "Come on, zero-two. Show me what you've got already."

Then she sat on the swing and started swinging, forward and backward. Duo stared at this crazy naked girl, wondering what the hell he was getting himself into. Other than sex, obviously. But was she about to… add him to some creepy collection of hers?

She did claim to be a collector; maybe this was what she meant.

Whatever she was plotting… Duo decided they'd better get to it before he sobered up.

"I'm probably gonna have nightmares about this," he gulped as he approached her and the swing. Dorothy glared up at him.

"Stop pussy-footing around and get on my pussy," she commanded.

Duo threw himself forward and reached for her thighs, spreading them. Before he entered her, he took a deep breath, wondering if this was truly happening, or if he was dreaming. At that moment, Dorothy raked her fingernails down his back, and he shuddered.

Nope. Definitely real.

He reached between her legs and slipped his fingers inside her warmth. He felt her tighten around him.

"Come on, idiot," she moaned. "Fuck me."

Duo grabbed her hips and slid his penis into her wet folds. Dorothy threw her head back as Duo thrust inside her. Faster and faster. An absence of thought consumed Duo's brain, and suddenly he was just a wild animal, taking advantage of a willing female. He released a low growl as he felt himself approach his climax. But she wasn't done yet. He couldn't disappoint Dorothy Catalonia. The entire world would know.

In one swift motion, Duo withdrew himself from her, pulled her hips up while he bent down, and closed his mouth around her pussy. His tongue explored her clitoris, pressing and sucking on the sensitive bundle of nerves. Dorothy gasped and moaned, and Duo knew this was a success. While his tongue worked, he slid three fingers inside her and stroked. Her thighs tightened around his ears, until she was nearly crushing his skull.

"My turn," Duo said abruptly, breaking away from Dorothy just as she was letting out an otherworldly howl. He stood and looked at her expectantly. Her eyes were wide, her hair masterfully disheveled, her bangs sticking haphazardly to her sweaty forehead.

"Um, no," she huffed. "I don't _do_ that."

Duo grinned and reached for her hand, placing it on his penis. "You do now, bitch."

She gasped and brought her other hand up to to slap him, but Duo dodged her intended blow.

"How about you take some orders for a change?" he growled. Dorothy smirked and grabbed the end of his braid.

"I don't think so," she purred, giving his braid a mighty tug. "You're too damn easy to control."

Duo chuckled softly. "That's what you think."

He stepped around to the other side of the swing, so his throbbing penis was near her head. He grabbed her by the chin and pulled her head back until her lips were close to his tip.

"Suck me off," he commanded, pressing himself forward until her lips parted, allowing his penis inside her mouth. He heard her gag, but with his hand on her throat, keeping a gentle pressure, she began to run her tongue along his penis, sucking hard, harder than he was used to. But it felt good. Something had opened up in him, a desire he never knew he had before. He wanted to feel the pain.

Dorothy must have been reading his mind. She released her hand from one strap and twisted her shoulders until her hand was behind her head. She grabbed his balls and gave them a hard squeeze.

Duo cried out, every hair on his body standing on end.

He ripped himself away from Dorothy's mouth before he could lose complete control.

"Had enough yet?" she murmured, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. Her violet eyes glittered up at him.

Duo laughed through his labored breathing. "Hardly."

"How about I get us some toys?" Her lips curved upward.

"I've got your toy right here." Duo thrust his penis toward her face again. Dorothy rolled her eyes.

"Fine. Let's just get on with it." She stood up from the swing and pointed to the seat. "Now. Sit."

Much as Duo wanted to fight with her, he obeyed. Dorothy turned so that her back was to him and settled onto his lap, sitting down on his penis. She let out a gasp he immediately found alluring, and he felt himself swell with male pride.

Dorothy rocked up and down, moving as gracefully as she could. Duo grabbed her hips and whenever she came down, he pushed her hard against his pelvis, giving her more length. She rocked and rocked, her gasps and cries increasing with each movement. Duo reached up with one hand and twisted it around her blonde locks, and pulled back.

"Ahh, fuck," Dorothy moaned, moving faster until she cried out. Duo felt the wetness from her orgasm on his penis. Duo closed his eyes and thrust up, hard, and his own pleasure washed over him as he exploded inside of her. He pumped against her until the last of his seed left his body. He dropped his head back, his entire body tingling.

Dorothy heaved a deep sigh and collapsed against his chest, her long hair matted and sticking to her back. The swing rocked them gently back and forth as they both caught their breaths.

"That was…" her voice trailed off.

"Yeah," Duo said, not knowing what else to say.

_Now_ what the hell were they going to do? He felt the need to get out of there. Fast.

Thankfully, Dorothy wasn't one to linger. She pushed up and away from him, and walked over to her discarded clothes. She began dressing with her back turned to him.

"Well…" she said, glancing back at him over her shoulder. Duo took the hint and leapt to his feet, locating his own clothes. He dressed in record time, ready to bolt from her sex room, wondering how much of this he'd even remember tomorrow.

He paused in the doorway and looked back at her. "So… um… thanks. I think."

Dorothy smoothed her tangled hair back and pushed it over her shoulder, keeping her eyes downcast. "You're welcome, zero-two." She didn't bother meeting his eyes. Duo briefly wondered what that was all about. But did he really want to stick around and open that door?

She brushed past him and swept out of the room, and he had no choice but to follow after her. Apparently she was seeing him out, which was all well and good.

She paused near her kitchen and flicked a glance at him. "Would you like a glass of water, or coffee, maybe?"

Duo paused to consider, but really didn't want to sober up and continue to soak up all the awkwardness. And anyway, she seemed to be giving him an easy out. Maybe that was what she wanted, too.

"Nah… that's okay," he said. "Thanks for offering, though. Think I'll just call a cab."

"You can use my driver," Dorothy said, turning to an intercom on the nearest wall and pressing a button. "Arthur? Can you bring the car around?"

"Right away, Miss Catalonia," a British male voice answered through the speaker.

"Wonderful," said Dorothy.

Duo felt his shoulders sag in relief. This wasn't as weird as he'd thought it'd be. Then he frowned.

Wait. It wasn't_ that_ weird?

Did he… _like_ Dorothy?

She sighed and looked at the clock on the wall. "You don't have to stand around and wait up here, you know. Arthur will be in front of the building any minute."

Duo huffed a laugh. "Fine, I can take a hint."

She scowled at him until he made his way to the door. Duo chuckled and saw himself out.

Like Dorothy? Who was he kidding?

THE END.

* * *

A/N: If you've made it this far into this crack pairing fic, we really appreciate it! Don't be shy... let us know what you really think! We can take it :P

This fic was written for the Church of Lemons, 2020 edition. Thank you to JenJenGundamFan for resurrecting this sacred fandom ritual and for inviting us to be a part of it! You can find and follow the collection of fics over on AO3; search "Church of Lemons (CoL) 2020 Gundam Wing Edition." Our story will be added shortly; we are in the process of creating a profile. Perhaps you will soon see other RGS stories over there. In the meantime, stay tuned for more CoL stories by Scarlet Eve and Relena for President, aka your Glam Squad! We and the other participating authors will be posting lemons all month long. Happy February, indeed!

We hope you had as much fun reading this fic as we did writing it (there was a LOT of cry-laughing). So, what do we think of Duo and Dorothy as a "couple"?

\- RGS


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